Volume 1, Issue 5

November, 2001

Beyond Success Newsletter

More Important Than What You Want - Are You Getting What You Need?

by Trish Pratt

When considering life changes such as a career or business transition, marriage, separation, or other personal, familiy or business decisions, we each have our perspectives, beliefs, values, etc. from which we base these decisions. Some take a more narrow look at the options that are available to them. And some, if the options and opportunities seem plentiful, look to what would feel good and bring the least amount of pain as the critical factors in making decisions. And who would argue that tuning into what feels good isn't a great place to come from in sorting out your life. But there is another factor in the equation that is just as important, if not more important. Before you consider what you want, consider what you "need."

Each of us has a most basic level of needs consisting of the need for food, water and oxygen. But the next layer of needs is what some might call our "core" needs. These core needs are about who we are as individuals -- emotionally, spiritually, and about what makes us feel good. These needs lie underneath the feelings that lead us in our relationships and interactions with other people, as well as in decisions we make about our careers and jobs, how we spend our time, manage our money, embrace success, and so on. Generally speaking, these needs drive our behavior.

An extreme example that illustrates how our needs affect us is the compulsive shopper who feels a strong desire (need) to buy things for him/herself. The core need driving this behavior may be the need to feel loved or taken care of. Or maybe the shopper is someone who buys for others and is driven by the need to be thanked, appreciated, or loved. The most important aspect of these core needs is that sometimes the behaviors or actions we take to unconsciously address our needs not only don't provide the level of satisfaction we are looking for, but often cause a whole set of problems in and of themselves. We not only end up with a need that isn't satisfied, but also with reactions/behavior, a job, career, financial situation, lack of success, etc. that leaves us in a pattern of frustration and confusion.

The compulsive shopper, by following what feels good at the time, creates more debt for themselves and so, in the long run, is no happier. Whereas if this person were aware of the specific need driving them, they could take specific action to address it, such as telling family members of their need to feel appreciated, or telling a spouse of their need to feel cared for, etc. When this person experiences the urge to go on a spending spree, they can recognize the need that is driving them and consider how to address this need in a more satisfying way.

Here are some steps to guide you in understanding what your "core" needs are, how they might be driving your behavior, and how to get your needs met.

Getting Your Needs Met

  1. List your core needs. Find a way to list for yourself what motivates you in your business, relationships, job, etc. You may want to use the Needs List on the Momentum Coaching website to make this process easier.
  2. Notice where your needs are getting met. List the areas of your life where these needs are getting met and you are deriving satisfaction.
  3. Notice where your needs are not getting met. Along with leaving you frustrated, these areas may also be creating an imbalance in your life. For example, if your need to be appreciated is only getting met at work, you may be drawn to working longer hours and not drawn to spending time relaxing, having fun, or spending time with family or loved ones.
  4. Notice where you are paying too high of a price. Notice where you are getting what you need but paying a high price for the need to be met. For example, you might have a boss who appreciates you (an important need for you) but leaves you with work that you really don't enjoy or requires you to work too many hours.
  5. Sort out some effective, healthy, supportive ways to get your core needs met. With your needs in mind, consider what changes, additions, actions, etc. it would take to really satisfy them. Then, create a plan to follow through on incorporating these ways into your life.
  6. Get support. Making or incorporating these necessary changes may take some time, creativity and/or strategizing. To get more of what you need in your relationships may mean finding the right words to communicate your needs to others. It may require being clearer with yourself or making a shift in your business, job or career to better insure that your needs are being met. Sometimes these shifts are difficult to make alone. If that's the case, consider enlisting the support of a friend, therapist or coach.

Once you understand what your core needs are, you can take more specific and fulfilling actions to get these needs met. Once your needs are met you will likely experience more satisfaction with your life. Often individuals find that when their needs in life are really met, their list of "wants" greatly diminishes and they begin to enjoy a much simpler life, a few steps closer to the life of their dreams. Should you decide to try these steps, let us know your results. We love hearing from you.

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About Trish

Trish Pratt is a professional certified coach and consultant. She is also a certified PaperRoom coach trained in pattern recognition (see www.momentumcoaching.com/paperroom.html for more details). Trish helps managers and other professionals bring their best clarity, communication and leadership to their work. She does this with one-on-one coaching, training/workshops, and through articles she writes. Contact Trish today for a complimentary consultation at: 978-635-0603 or via email at: trish@momentumcoaching.com.

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Beyond Success is written and produced by Trish Pratt. Please send any feedback, suggestions or coaching questions to trish@momentumcoaching.com. If you have friends, family, co-workers or neighbors who might be interested in receiving this newsletter, please let us know. Your friendship and referrals are most appreciated!

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